Archive for July, 2009

I’m sorry, What the hell?

sticksI have seen some very interesting and peculiar things in some of the homes I have looked at.  Most of the time I figure ‘to each their own’ and dismiss it.  Of course, usually I like to analyze and poke fun of what in the world they might have been thinking first, but I figure it out or at least a good portion of it and move on.  Not in this case.  Inside the home was fairly normal, nothing extremely odd or impressive.  Just an average home that looked like most other homes we’ve looked at.  And then we went into the garage.  There in the middle of the floor was what appeared to be an unused sheet of wainscoting.  On the wainscoting, were sticks that had been wrapped in old towels and tied with twine.  These wrapped sticks were placed very deliberately and evenly apart.  What the hell? I’m stumped. (Har.)

Dangerous Dinner Parties?

jailIn one particular home, I discovered a very interesting design element in the dining room.  Decorative arched windows had been cut from two of the walls that were along the entry way. Instead of adding a nice plant or vase, these people installed prison bars.  What kind of dinner parties were these people having?

Ring A Ding Fling

phoneThis handy public service announcement was written in marker on the garage wall of a home I just toured.  This homeowner had already moved out of this home given that it was empty, and they had done so so thoroughly that they even took this Ho’s phone with them.  Evidenced by the fact that there is no longer a phone where this is pointing.  I just hope that someone has notified the poor Ho so she isn’t caught off guard the next time she needs to make a phone call.  Along those same lines, should you be looking for the Ho that was once here, it appears her service has been interrupted.

Cowboy Genius

frame a hatI encountered this brilliant functional art idea in a main bathroom.  I can assume that this particular cowboy did not choose this wall color so I’m sure there is a woman folk involved here in the decorating decisions. I must say I commend his creativity and ability to compromise.  I can almost hear the conversation…

Cowboy: “Ma! With all your decoratin’ I don’t have a place to hang my hat when I get in the shower”
Mrs. Cowboy: “Pa! You ain’t gonna hang that ugly hat in the bathroom for the world to see.” 
Cowboy (to himself): “I recon if I hang it in a frame, she won’t notice.”

“Art”

I learned a valuable lesson.  I learned that although I feel that my daughter is a talented artist for her age and enjoy framing and viewing some of the art that she has done so far, it might not be something as to decorate my entire house with.  

On our last home search, we encountered a proud parent that had not yet learned that lesson.  Don’t get me wrong, some of the things this young artist had done were very impressive, but there was hardly a wall throughout the entire house that did not contain at least one piece of this precious ‘art’.  The ‘art’ was not only on the walls; there were two mobiles – one made from silverware, the other made from aluminum cans – hanging from the ceiling.  I snapped pictures these as well as two particularly interesting paintings showcased in this whole-house gallery.  One was a lovely picture of what appears to be a very pissed off cat.  This was hanging in the center of a college of many framed works in the dining room.  I’m sure most everyone would like to have an irritated cat staring at them while they eat.  The second is most definitely a baseball player…possibly while they are looking at themselves in a fun house mirror.  This one was on the wall in a bedroom.  It would have caused me nightmares.

The House of Non-Proportion…

I am a fan of home improvement projects.  In fact, one of the things I am really looking forward to in having a new home is weekend home improvement projects.  During my home search, I enjoy looking to see what other home owners have come up with and at times will jot notes down when I find something particularly clever that I can do.  I have also learned that while doing a medium to large project like laying tile or building furniture there is a lot of room for errors.  I have seen many of these during my recent home search.  Sometimes it’s apparent that they started with a good idea and then just didn’t quite get there, and other times one has to wonder what the hell they were thinking. 

All and all, there are some basic rules of any construction project that it seems some people are not aware of… like it’s always a good idea to measure.  That brings me to the home we just toured that we have deemed the “house of non-proportion.”  This home at first look seemed nice and spacious, until we started noticing small important details… like not even I can fit my rear end in the space they put the toilet. 

drawerHere we have the first issue with not measuring… please note that they have installed new cabinets. Then they updated their appliances.  Then they noticed that it might have been important to take into account drawer clearance.  There were a total of four drawers in this entire kitchen; only one that will actually open all the way.

shower

Here we have the master bathroom shower.  At first, I didn’t see a thing wrong with it… until Ken stepped into it.  It is apparently not built for anyone larger or taller than I am.  Although, as you can see, he would have a very clean nose.  So we assumed short, smallish people lived here and they had done some custom remodeling to comfortably accommodate being vertically challenged…

Until we entered the basement and saw the gigantic bar.  Ken sat down to pretend to order a drink and felt like a toddler sitting at a restaurant booth without a booster chair.  To be able to use this, we would have either purchased really tall custom made bar stools or grown to be 7 feet tall.  barbar2

Sanitary Napkin?

napkinFor lunch today, I ended up with my boss and a coworker at Godfather’s Pizza. For those of you that know me, I try to avoid pizza at all costs; I just really don’t care for it much for whatever reason. So, I rarely end up at a pizza place and don’t know the drill. I was given a plate, went through the buffet and stopped by the station to get knives and forks and such. I thought I was doing well until I was derailed by the napkins. Not only did they have something for me to read instead of just wipe my hands on, they were a bit rude. It made me begin to contemplate what others might have on their hands that might make one print this disclosure. In any case… eww.

Are you motivated yet?

Movitation Poster

Ah, yes, motivational posters… one of the things that actually came out of this decade. I assume these were born out of executives needing something inspiring and clever to hang on their office walls. These posters, which I believe were created by Successories, Inc, always include some sort of serene photograph like an eagle soaring and then had a motivational word underneath the picture followed by a positive quote or definition.

Of course since most things inspirational eventually give birth to sarcasm and parody, this was no exception. Now we have demotivational posters that directly mock the original idea. I believe the first group to really promote this idea using the same type of serene images, but including a more realistic or negative word and it’s appropriate definition was Despair, Inc. Soon the rest of America jumped on this band wagon and set out to use their own hilarious pictures in a similar format. Now there are thousands of these things floating around out there to happen upon.

Over the years and after many forwarded emails, I have saved the ones that are just absolutly hands down my favorite. Sometimes it’s the photograph itself that I love; other times it’s the clever saying associated with it, but in either case these have me absolutely roaring in laughter and wiping tears from my eyes.

Here they are in no particular order…

During the last property search in our quest to find a new home, we experienced some extreme creativity.  I just always wonder what thought process someone goes through end up where they do.  I’d like to think there is a good reason or any reason at all for why some things come about.

Exhibit A: Ceiling Art.

ceiling art

Let me set the stage… this was an older home that needed much updating and repair.  According to the paperwork, the same woman had owned and lived in it for 42 years and by the looks of things, had picked out the wallpaper when the home was new.  Whew.  We found this impressive ceiling art right inside the door of the back bedroom.  Someone had taken advantage of the interesting crack in the ceiling and had decided by the look of it to shove any and every sharp object handy into it.  Some of the objects include safety pins, thumb tacks, a pearl tipped hat pin and the needle from a bicycle pump.  This is an action I can’t quite imagine an elderly woman doing.  “Well, Let’s see here… what am I to do with this extra safety pin? I know, I’ll stick it into the ceiling of the back bedroom.”

Exhibit B: Auxiliary Backup Handle

doorThis was the door leading to the basement of one of the newer homes we looked at.   First let me point out that this door locks…. from the outside. This might me great for trapping small children in the basement, but what other purpose could it actually serve.  More obvious is the cabinet hardware that has been added above the knob.  I assume this was added as some sort of backup handle, but it actually takes more work to use it as one would still have to turn the knob for the door to unlatch and open.  I mean, really, why?  I guess it’s always prudent to have a backup.

Duct Tape Wallet

duct-tapeI dove into the fine world of duct tape crafts.   I set out to create for a wallet as a gift for Ken’s son Alex.  Now, I have seen many a duct tape wallet, and the majority of them look like a 5 year old stuck them together in about 4 minutes.  Given that he is not only a lover and respecter of all things duct tape, but now legally an adult, I wanted to make sure that this wallet was practical, attractive and very well made. 

After searching through website after website, I finally landed on these instructions.  They not only included instructions on how to make slots to store credit cards and an ID holder, they were easy to follow and very detailed.  I would like to add a few pointers for those who would also like to give something like this a try.

  • Keep finger nail polish remover handy (or another solvent):  scissors (or other cutting devices) have a tendency of collecting the adhesive and make future cuts difficult.  Finger nail polish on a cotton ball will clean it right off.  Trust me… it’s much easier if the tape isn’t trying to attach itself to the scissors.
  • Finished edges:  I found that by wrapping an additional piece of tape over the edges I cut, it gave everything a more finished look. 
  • ID Holder:  Instead of leaving the ID holder open, I cut a piece of a clear transparency sheet to provide more support, security and protection.

(click on a photo to enlarge)

 I had so much fun making the wallet, I made him a matching tie.  All I did was make a very long and narrow sheet of duct tape, trace around a regular silk tie to get the size correct, cut out and finished off the edges.  In the last photo, not only will see the finished wallet but also the ‘duct tie’.

© 2009 What's on Melissa's Mind.


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